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PATRICIA

SONGSOPTOK THE WRITERS BLOG | 3/10/2015 |




SONGSOPTOK:  What is your earliest memory about being a girl?

PATRICIA: It will be unfair if I talk about one. Each day we live, we understand something new about society and being a girl. One of the best ones though is when I was studying mass communication in a prestigious girl’s college in 2010 (would not name the college), I realized why a feminist society (equality between men and women) is going to remain a dream until women start supporting their peers (and I do not mean radical feminism). I asked one of my professors as to why women tend get averse to other women without even getting to know them (this was new to me) and she said it is because they view each other as threats. I did not understand it then and my understanding of their weird and awkward vibe is still developing, but I have come to believe that it is because women (in general) do not tend to be tolerant of the virtue of independence. Our society needs to teach girls to be independent, that it is not a crime to stay unmarried, or having a boyfriend or husband is no emancipation. If we stop looking at each other as threats and learn to understand our peer’s perspective, we might attain the pinnacle where people will look at each other as friends (or acquaintances) rather than some plastic commodities to be won or bought.


SONGSOPTOK: Do you remember any incident(s) from your childhood where you witnessed gender discrimination? What are your thoughts about that? Do you think gender discrimination starts right through our home? A lot of studies indicate that the gender segregation starts in school. What is your experience?

PATRICIA:  I had a guardian as my mother’s job would not allow her to spend much time with us. The guardian does not live with us now. When we were children, she used to admonish me at every other thing I did. Be it playing with guys or crying because I got my period. It was stupid then, and it is stupid now. But I have come to understand why she did that. And to put it gently, she did not know of another way to raise children.

I do not think gender discrimination starts at home. Come to think of it, why would parents discriminate between their children? It does start at school though. “You run/hit like a girl”, “you want a date to the movie, start acting like a girl”, “guys play cricket, not girls” or “girls are always good at art”, “girls should not act this way”, “good girls do this, that”etc. We have to destroy these stereotypes.


SONGSOPTOK: Now going on to college / university – what according to you were the advantages / disadvantages of being a woman? Do you think that women were treated fairly by the educational institutions?  We would like to know your own experiences.

PATRICIA: Oh! This question is a tough one for me. Yes, I was treated unfairly in many situations. Men do not consider a woman’s opinion legitimate. To them, it’s a woman trying to get laid either with the teacher or the richest guy in class. If you are sexy and reveal a little bit of your body and you challenge men, they will try to dominate you in bed. Take control of your life. If you are a woman in academia, you are destined to be ignored if you aren’t married to your sugar daddy. This is especially true of situations where the woman wants to earn her perks rather than sleeping with the ‘messiah’. I know many such academicians and it’s a pity that their talent is not recognized.

I don’t think like a radical feminist but rationality is a virtue that is not defined by gender. Come to think of it, how many philosophers we read about are women? Their stories are lost. Its crazy. Outrageous.


SONGSOPTOK:  A lot has been written about the unsafe environment in India for women, especially on public transports. What is your personal experience?

PATRICIA: I travel in public transport only as I have no traffic sense. Its been very pleasant. I make friends in metros, buses, autos. I never had anyone molest me and I suppose I have been lucky in that regard. But I do believe that if someone tries to lay his dick on the back of your hips, you should twist his dick and shove it up his ass.


SONGSOPTOK:  According to you, to what extent is the patriarchal society in India, responsible for the status of women? How does it works, evolves and shapes the individual woman.

PATRICIA: Does this question really need an answer? ;) Indian society is patriarchal. It’s a well-known fact. It’s weirdly engraved in our DNA. I suggest to every woman I know, fight it. Break the rules and then laugh in their face. If they rape you, try to destroy you, fight them and still be strong enough to know that it is not the end of the world.

We, women, should NOT conform to any set rules, especially with regards to our physical structures. DO NOT WAX if you don’t like it. DO NOT GO FOR A BIKINI WAX, DO NOT GET MANI-PEDI, DO NOT WAX THAT MOUSTACHE, if you don’t feel like it. A man who loves you, will love you irrespective of this crap. GET OVER IT. LOVE YOURSELF. If women want freedom, they have to snatch it. Patriarchy wont give it to us. Men still think hymen of the woman is the honor of the family. To be brutally honest, that is seriously fucked up.

Men are free to be polygamous, to be animals, to use women like tissue papers. DON’T LET THEM DO IT. We have to teach our daughters to respect themselves. And our sons, to respect women. To compete with them, not to view them as plastic dolls to be played with.


SONGAOPTOK: Do you think that social status (caste, class, affluence) plays a significant role in how women are treated in India and elsewhere?  Are there significant differences in the status of women in India & the developed countries of Europe and America? If so, then to what extent?

PATRICIA: I believe people are the same everywhere. A woman is an object of pleasure. It’s an add on if she gets drunk and smokes her way into your bed. But in India, it is especially weird. I don’t know if caste plays a role but class does. A man from a renowned MNC (won’t name it here), offered me 300 pounds to sleep with him for one night on a social network. It was stupid and he got one from me and so did his wife. Affluence is another interesting factor. I won’t comment on it because I don’t have much experience but I know some BDSM addicted sadistic rich dicks and I think it’s a case for a psychiatrist to deal with, not me.

If I were to suggest something to get rid of this difference in treatment, I would say castration is one of the best solutions. You discriminate, you lose your dick. Simple and workable. Fear controls men and women alike. Over a period of time, it will disappear. I am very sure.


SONGSOPTOK:  Would you say that in the urban areas, there is equal treatment of women in the workplace? Are women given the same opportunities as men? Has the situation evolved compared to the earlier generation? If so, then how? What are the mechanism and the dynamics of the changes!

PATRICIA: Nope, nothing has changed. It’s the same. Only now, they want women to show their bodies to attract business.


SONGSOPTOK:  Has the position and status of women evolved at home compared to your mother’s generation? Do women today have more decision-making power within the family structure? Can you explain your answer? Yes, in the Indian context!
PATRICIA: I grew up in a female dominated household. I don’t know if I am the correct person to answer it, but I don’t think much has changed.


SONGSOPTOK:  According to you, what needs to be done to improve the situation of women not only in India but all over the world? How can women contribute – at home, at work, at social & political levels? How can they establish the right equilibrium between the state power and feminism because state power is basically patriarchal in nature?

PATRICIA: FUCK RULES and help each other in becoming successful. Give up marriage, but have kids. Do not give in to any rule of the society or state that asks you to compromise with your freedom even a bit. It will take years for the feminist movement to be successful, but if we want our daughters to live in a socially egalitarian society, we have to make this sacrifice. Write books, anecdotes, teaching everyone about how objectifying someone is a disease (be it a man or a woman or a homosexual). We have to help each other in condemning rules altogether. A kind of white blackmail men cant resist. As I mentioned earlier, they are scared, insecure creatures. We want our daughters to live safely, happily, freely; we have to scare them to death. Not all men are patriarchs, but the patriarchs rule and they have to be thrown into a scenario equivalent to a graveyard.


SONGSOPTOK:  Violence against women is a global problem today that manifests itself in different forms in different societies. And the problem seems to be growing every day in spite of preventive measures. What, in your opinion, should be the priority especially in India? How do you see the role of the civil society in this context? Do you think women are still marginalised in our civil society, which is the actual stumbling block to advance further or making any significant improvement?

PATRICIA: In my opinion, the concept of civil society is bullshit. When I first read about it in college, I knew what a farce it was. I am making a demarcation between activists and civil society here. If women want change, they have to change. GIVE UP SOPHISTICATION. Be brutal, savage like. And be gentle only to each other. You know about the bro-code? Have you ever thought why there isn’t anything like a sis-code? Do you know why women in one family engage in a rat race to prove that their family is better and men don’t? Think about it. And you have the answer. Being sophisticated is the stumbling block.


SONGSOPTOK: What are your personal views on women’s empowerment? What should be the priorities here (economic / social / cultural/ educational….) especially in the context of our patriarchal society where women are considered to be the reproduction machine denied of dignity and liberty?

PATRICIA: I believe cultural-> social->educational->economic. This should start at the domestic and community level. We have to teach our daughters and peers to vote for rationality in their personal and social lives. Its equivalent to setting up an ‘academy’ for them but it’s a significant step from kitty parties and on-the-cot discussions to a proper platform of transforming the narrative of rationality to a daily occurrence.


SONGSOPTOK:  Do you think the situation of women can evolve in the years to come? What is your vision for the future?

PATRICIA: I think it should evolve but I am not going to live to see it (and I am 23). I don’t know if it will ever happen considering how opinionated people are in this area. But I envision a society where women and men compete as equals. Sex is a celebration of love and the word gender no longer exists in the dictionary.


 [PATRICIA. AT PRESENT LIVING IN LONDON]


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